


(When you're with me) No Judgement

by pothosianqueen



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Canon Fix, Character Death Fix, M/M, Post-season 7, some canon typical foul language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 13:02:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29999751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pothosianqueen/pseuds/pothosianqueen
Summary: Jax Teller staged his own suicide and joined the military. He's back from another deployment and goes to the local library to find out why his request to be immediately re-deployed didn't go through this time. There he meets the library's IT guy, who just happens to be someone he'd thought over five years dead.(The fic's named after Niall Horan's song No Judgement. This absolutely is a very self-indulgent story where I fix everything and Juice gets the ending he deserved.)
Relationships: Juice Ortiz/Jax Teller
Kudos: 3





	(When you're with me) No Judgement

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I don't know how to justify this. I saw a gif and got an idea. Two days later, here we are. 
> 
> Also, I should inform you that I know absolutely nothing about how the US military works. I mean I spent two hours googling that shit, asked my partner about it (who isn't American either), googled some more and then finally decided not to get too hung up on that. Because maybe the point of fan fiction isn't to be perfectly realistic in the first place. 
> 
> About their names - YES I WAS LAZY. 
> 
> Now please enjoy!

Jax was sitting in front of the computer and sighed. He needed to have some sort of username and password to access the computer. A timeworn tape at the top of the screen informed him to use his library card info or to get a temporal username, but no words were wasted on telling exactly how to get your hands on any of that.

He looked around and spotted a lady nearby, shelving newly-returned books to what appeared to be some sort of engineering section. He stood up and walked to her, leaning against the bookshelf. When she stopped to look at him, he flashed his most enticing smile.

“So, how do you get some of that temporary login shit? To use a computer.”

The lady seemed relieved, which made Jax wonder just how often she had been asked something less proper at work. _At a library?_

“Oh! You need to talk to Theo, our IT guy. He should be at his station at the young adults section.”

She then proceeded to give Jax a literal step-by-step route to his destination, and he needed to bite his cheek not to laugh at her face. The smile on his face turned into an amused smirk. 

When she finally finished, Jax winked. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

She blushed, but nodded as Jax turned away, heading to go find this Theo guy.

The library lady’s instructions were amazingly accurate, but frankly, the IT station was impossible to miss with the massive sign on top of it. The guy at the station, though, caused Jax to stop in his tracks.

It wasn’t supposed to be possible. Before Jax successfully staged his own death, Tully had confirmed Juice’s killing. Yet the man he was staring at was definitely him. Not a family member, not a random look-alike, but Juice, in the flesh. Some of his tattoos were replaced with new ones and his hair was different, but his face was the same, and Jax had spent enough time with the man he once called his brother to recognise the way his eyes squinted when he was trying to figure something out. 

Something in the way Jax was standing and staring alerted Juice to his presence, and he raised his gaze. Landing on Jax, his eyes widened for a heartbeat, and Jax could see him swallowing. He was fast to recover, though.

“How can I help you?” Juice’s expression was neutral, but there was a very subtle hint of challenge in his tone. Despite the air of ease, Jax knew him well enough to notice the way his whole posture had turned defensive.

Jax decided to play along, though it’s not like he really had a choice. He would not risk Charlie Hunnam’s identity publicly.

“I need a temporary username. For the computers.”

Juice opened a drawer and pulled out a slip of paper, all the while looking at Jax intently.

“The first string of numbers is the username, the second is the password. This only works once, so you’ll have to get a new slip if you need to use another computer.” When he offered it to Jax, the blonde had to fight an urge he couldn’t put his finger on. It created a tightness in his chest that nagged at his mind in a familiar way, though he couldn’t quite place it.

“Okay. Thanks, man.”

He turned around and walked back to the computers, trying to come to terms with the ghost he'd just interacted with. He stared at the slip of paper for a while before getting on with his task.

His eyes scrambled down the document. _Discharged under other designated physical or mental conditions._

***

Jax had no idea why he’d stuck around to wait for Juice after he’d found out about his discharge. Maybe it was the fact that Juice was indeed supposed to be dead. Jax had been positive he was dead. Yet, people all around the country were positive Jax was dead, too, so what did he know. Maybe death was a myth. Something about seeing Juice in the library had stirred Jax, though, and so he had stayed.

When finally Juice came out of the door, he didn’t seem to be surprised to see Jax waiting. The defense in his stance was more prominent now that he was on his feet. He tried to walk away, but Jax cut his exit, taking hold of his jacket and pushing him against the wall.

“What the fuck, Juice? You’re supposed to be dead!”

“I don’t fucking know, man! One moment I’m being shived in the neck, the next I wake up in a completely other prison two months from being released, and I’m told my name is fucking Theo? Shit,” Juice sounded like the outburst had been a long time coming, which it probably had. He also looked like he regretted it instantly. He wasn’t fighting back though, so Jax let go of him and took a step back.

With a sigh, Juice turned to look Jax straight in the eye.

“Why are you here?”

The question annoyed Jax, because it hit a nerve. For the first time in ages, he didn’t have a plan.

When Juice had confirmed in the prison what Jax had already known, and confessed to everything, Jax had acted on a whim that had been nagging at his brain since Tara died. Juice’s connections to Tully had had potential in securing a new identity, and he had come through with it. With Charlie Hunnam's passport in his pocket and the death of Jackson Teller successfully staged, he had driven to East coast and enlisted in the military in hopes of dying in the line of duty. He was deployed as soon as he was finished with his training, and kept on waiving his dwell time as soon as possible, never staying on the US soil for more than two weeks at a time. It had been a good plan, a way for him to make his peace with all of the shit he had done and caused, but he just kept on staying alive. For five years he had played the game of cat and mouse, but the mouse was always cleverer, and now it had won for good. _Bullshit fucking discharge._

So yeah, Jax was annoyed at the question. He shoved Juice against the wall again.

“None of your fucking business.”

Juice didn’t seem surprised by that. His stare was unwavering.

“Yeah? So what do you want?”

And that question was even worse, because Jax did know the answer to that. He wanted so many things, all of them impossible. But there was also this new pit of something that he didn’t understand, something that had been sparked at the library and wouldn’t go away. So he just shoved Juice once more for good luck or measure or something, spat a furious “fuck you” at his face and turned around.

When Jax had disappeared into the shadows and Juice was positive that he was alone, he put all of his efforts into focusing on his breathing. Thoughts were running through his mind at a thousand miles per hour, but he stood there by the wall, trying to let them pass through. One fragment of a thought kept coming back though, a fragment so obscure and incoherent that it was really more a feeling than anything else. _Jax_.

***

Juice had considered running again, but he was tired. Maybe the quiet life as the library IT guy was making him lazy or complacent, but he had really found peace there, and that had not been common in his life. Or maybe he was tired of always looking over his shoulders, never being able to relax completely. Maybe it was time to let all of the lies of his past life catch up to him. So he stayed.

Well, that’s what he’d told himself last night after standing at the foot of his bed for half an hour, bag packed and ready, unwilling to actually go. Now, coming out of the elevator after another day at work and seeing Jax Teller leaning against his door he knew it was not the whole story. He did not stay simply for peace or rectitude. The fragment of a thought was growing fast, and with it grew all the other feelings he had long since buried. _Let them pass_.

Juice walked across the hall, keys jangling in his hand as he tried to study the other man. But Jax was unreadable, staring at Juice with a blank expression, seemingly unbothered. He moved just enough to give Juice the space to unlock the door.

Once inside, Juice threw his keys on the counter next to the door, and retrieved two beers from the fridge.

“You running?”

Juice turned around and saw Jax looking at his half-unpacked bag.

“Thought about it.”

He opened the beers and offered the other to Jax. They sat down, Juice at the kitchen counter that doubled as his dinner table, Jax on the small couch.

“Why’d you stay?”

Juice looked him in the eye, deciding to go with the answer that was closest to the truth. “Decided I was ready die, if you wanted it.” It wasn’t even a lie, it was in fact very true, just not the right answer. Juice didn’t want to think about the right answer.

Jax looked at him a while, then turned his gaze away. “You were dead once already, by my order.”

Juice missed his eyes immediately. “Yeah. Sorry for ruining that.” _Too_.

Jax shot another quick look at Juice and nodded. “You gotta know it wasn’t about wanting you dead.”

“Yeah, I know.”

They sat in silence for a while, drinking their beers and basking in the heaviness of their connection. Finally, taking a sharp breath in, Juice decided to get on with it.

“So. What do you want with me?”

Jax turned to look at him once more with intent, eyes flickering from one to other. The noise in Juice’s mind picked up. _Let it pass_.

“I need a place to stay.”

That took Juice by a surprise. He looked around his small studio, trying to figure out just where Jax was thinking of staying.

“In here? I don’t have an extra bed, or even space for it.”

“I’ve slept in less comfort. I just need four walls and a place to shower.” Jax’s voice was impatient and annoyed, and Juice believed him.

“Yeah, okay.”

***

For the past year, Juice’s life had consisted of a very strict routine. From Mondays to Fridays he went to work at a specific time and came home equally punctually. In the evening he played video games. On Saturdays he went to the grocery store to refill his cabinets and to buy something special for the weekend, and occasionally he met with his co-workers if he couldn’t get out of it. Sundays were for watching sports. He kept his home in perfect order, having noticed that it helped with the storm of his thoughts.

Ever since Jax moved in though, the peaceful orderliness of his life and home had vanished. Jax used the bathroom at approximately the same times as Juice, forcing him to adjust his morning routine. Jax bought his own food, which was expected, but he messed up Juice’s system with his precooked foods and sodas, and he constantly left his dishes around.

Plus, he was always _there_. And as it was, Juice was also struggling with the desperate, one-sided love he thought he had killed years ago. Instead it had resurfaced when Jax came back to his life, and this time around it was harder to bear. The blond man might have changed his looks a bit, having shaved his beard and keeping a shorter hairstyle, but the way he walked was the same and the intensity of his blue eyes had only grown. And when he occasionally smiled, Juice felt like everything should be okay. It was agonizing.

Juice had tried to deal with it, and he hadn’t said a word about any of it for a whole week. But now, seeing the disgustingly dirty microwave cover on the counter next to the empty pizza box where his keys usually went, and Jax sitting on his small couch shirtless, Juice snapped. He picked the box and threw it at Jax.

Jax was startled and stood up, pushing the box back at Juice. “What the fuck’s your problem, man?”

Juice rolled his eyes and chuckled, and turned around to put the pizza box in the trash.

“Couldn't you even _try_ to clean your shit?”

“Damn. You could’ve just said something,” Jax laughed, and the voice was so sweet it made Juice’s heartrate pick up.

He turned around and stared at Jax, who was looking at him with a patronizing smirk.

“Don’t you have anywhere else to be?”

That finally seemed to annoy Jax.

“What do you think, Juice? That I would go and hide in Wendy’s apartment whilst you start a gang war?”

Juice raised his brows, surprised that Jax had gone there. He knew he was about to make a mistake, but he couldn’t hold his tongue. He pushed his chest out and stared at Jax challengingly.

“Or literally anyone else? I’m sure you’ll be able to find some slut to keep your dick warm for a night or two.”

Jax threw him back, steam coming out of his ears. “What the fuck did you say?”

Juice took a few more steps back, staring at Jax arrogantly and adrenaline pumping through his veins. He had no idea where this was coming from. Apparently, he was prone to outbursts around this man now.

“I’m just saying, it’s what you were always best at. Maybe find a new baby mama to keep you out of the streets while you’re at it.”

The way Juice flinched when he hit the brick wall told Jax that he’d been expecting it. He took the darker man by the lapels of his jacket and pushed, feeling Juice’s lungs slightly compress under his hands, but the look on Juice's face stayed unfazed. He just stared at him, breathing heavily, like he was waiting for a punch and ready to turn the other cheek.

That very specific kind of tightness in Jax’s own chest was driving him crazy. Without more thought he crashed his lips against Juice’s, and to Jax’s surprise, the man answered with hunger.

***

They were lying on the bed, spooning. Jax had curled his arm around Juice’s waist and was absentmindedly playing with the hair under his navel. It was more comfortable than sexual, and Juice felt his whole body relax in the blond man’s embrace.

“What’s Charlie like?”

Jax chuckled, though it sounded bitter. “Immortal, apparently.”

He continued after a while. “No. I don’t know. All I wanted was to die in the line of duty, but the military’s like a brotherhood too. Everyone cares about their team, and even with a new one it happens so fast.”

Juice squeezed his wrist softly. “You going back?”

“No. I was discharged.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Some bullshit psych eval. Apparently my mind is too broken for the military.”

Juice snorted. “I bet.”

Jax laughed too. “So why the library?”

Juice’s body gently shook against Jax as he let out a quiet laugh. “I don’t think there’s any place safer for an ex-biker.”

Jax raised his brows, surprised. “How’s that?”

Despite having found the perfect cuddling position, Juice had to turn on his back to look at Jax, surprised he had to explain it. “When did you ever go to the library? I mean back in the day.”

The realization hit him, and Jax grinned. “Not often.”

The corners of Juice’s eyes wrinkled with his amusement. “Yeah, me neither. And can’t see Happy or Tig doing that either.” 

Jax laughed. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good point, nerd.”

They were quiet for a while again, becoming sullen as the mention of their former brothers brought up the grief they both were in the habit of burying.

Jax opened his mouth first. “You miss the life?” Jax’s hand had moved when Juice rolled over, and was now circling the new tattoos on his chest.

Juice thought about how even the most remote sound of motorcycles made his chest hurt. He’d been fine-tuned to fear the sound the minute he got out of prison, but he could not dispel the longing it always brought up. Theo was afraid of bikes and bikers, Juice wanted nothing more than to get back on his chopper and never get off.

“I think about riding back to Charming all the time.”

“Yeah, me too.” Jax sighed. “But then I think about Abel and Thomas, and I don’t.”

Jax’s face was very neutral, but the subtle presence of pain was harrowing, and a part of Juice wished he hadn’t made the conversation go down that road. Another part wanted to know everything that was happening behind the mask of strong, calm and collected. He had to admit that he was quite bad at guessing at it. He’d also missed talking like this, without the fear of letting something about his past accidentally slip. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had that, but it had probably been close to ten years by now. 

“So why did you do it?”

Jax’s touch on Juice’s tattoos never wavered, but he was quiet for a while.

“To make Tara’s final wish come true. To get the kids out of the life. I told Nero that when the time comes, Wendy would need to tell my sons who I really am.”

A lump formed in Juice’s throat, and he got defensive. “A loyal and just man, who would do anything for the ones he loves?”

Jax stopped his movement and shook his head, though Juice didn’t miss the way his heartbeat quickened against his arm.

“You think that because you’ve lived the same life. But we’re not good men. We’re criminals and killers. I need my sons to grow up hating the thought of me.”

The vulnerability in his voice made it almost crack, and Juice watched Jax’s Adam’s apple move as he cleared his throat and swallowed.

“But I also wanted the club to come out of it on top. All the shit I did after Tara died, it wasn’t right. I needed a way to fix that.”

Juice raised his hand to brush at the hand that was laying on his chest.

“Yeah. I get that. I know it didn’t seem like it, but most of the twisted shit I did was for the club, too. Roosevelt said he would protect the club if I helped, but he also said he’d keep my secret. It seemed like all the positives were in the same boat. I got lost in all of it.”

“I know, Juice.”

They were silent for a while again.

“We did some good shit too.”

Juice chuckled, going for reassuring but feeling like it came out too loud. “The porn business was genius.”

Jax grinned, pleased. “Yeah. But I don’t mean that.”

Juice turned his head to him. “Okay?”

Jax answered his gaze with his own. “I got the other presidents to agree on making it each charter’s choice to allow in black members.”

A surprised smile flickered on Juice’s lips. “Yeah?”

Jax answered the ghost of a smile with a gentle one. “Yeah. We patched in T.O. on my last day as the president.”

Juice turned his eyes to the ceiling again, thinking about how everything would’ve been different if that had happened a couple of years earlier. “I didn’t know that.”

Jax’s fingers continued to dance on his tattoos. “No, apparently you were Theo by then.”

Juice let the thoughts come and go, trying not to dwell on the details of what if’s. Focusing on Jax’s last words he decided to reveal his suspicions about becoming Theo.

“I think it was Tully. I didn’t dig into it much.” Juice had thought about it a lot when he was in the hospital ward, lying in the hospital bed and unable to find out about anything. By the time he was well enough to go to gen pop he’d decided to wait for someone else to make the first move. He was never contacted though, not even after he was released.

“You just rolled with it?”

Juice nodded, shaking his shoulders. It wasn’t like he had much of a choice if he wanted to stay alive. After having been out for a few months he learned that Tully had been killed in Stockton. He’d felt some relief, though it didn’t make him feel much safer.

“Who else could it be? Or would? Anyway, he’s dead now. Can’t ask him about it.”

“The Chinese?”

“From what I could tell.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.” 

After another moment of silence, Juice turned to look at Jax again. “Sorry.”

Jax answered his stare. “For what?”

“For all the shit I did. Stealing the coke and killing the prospect. Lying to you. Outing you to Nero. Covering for… for Gemma. And for hiding afterwards. Breaking your trust, and the club’s. Not staying focused and strong enough.” Juice tried his hardest to stay stern, but his big eyes were desperate and full of regret. It nearly broke Jax’s heart.

Jax raised his hand to Juice’s neck, pressing their foreheads together. “Hey, hey, hey. Shush now, darlin’. It’s done.”

The pillow absorbed Juice’s tears as he regained his breathing. When he had, Jax inched back and forced Juice to look him in the eye. He wrinkled his forehead and smiled kindly.

“Besides, I killed another member, then staged my own suicide to escape the mayhem. Who am I to judge?”

The look in Juice’s eyes softened, and he nodded, smiling back. As Jax felt Juice’s thumb caress his cheek, he leaned into it, and when Juice’s lips found his in a soft kiss, the blond man let go of the tension that had all but made a home in his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!<3 I really hope you enjoyed it. I'm somewhat nervous about this but please feel free to comment if this awakened any feelings whatsoever. I'm off to hiding my head in the bushes now, byeee!


End file.
